The books I took to my picnic yesterday, and my partially shaved head, and my body hair, and my DMs-wearing, and my lack of make-up, possibly all add up to me looking like a big gay 80s stereotype? Maybe not! But: I don’t feel insecure about hitting these childhood-learnt aesthetic gongs online or IRL but I don’t want to non-address them on here (“my blog”) because I don’t want to misrepresent myself by omission; I want lesbian girls and bisexual girls and straight girls and otherwise queer girls (and everyone else) to all have a wide and inclusive view of adulthood sexuality/gender presentation and as far as I can philosophise there is no way I can do that without accurately & honestly presenting myself.
I never had a problem with viewing women sexually or feeling sexual empathy with ladies/images of ladies but I never yearned to touch or met a girl I wanted to be with; on the other hand I didn’t really meet any boys I could be bothered to actually be with before my current sweetie (a (cisgendered) man). For most of my life I’ve been generally, easily overwhelmed by company and it’s hard and/or useless to figure out what you could have want/ed from people when MOST of all what you wanted was to be left alone. Maybe there’s some official homosexuality in me, I really couldn’t tell you “for sure”. [I’m adding this square-bracketed edit this because I get uptight about honouring my love; don’t think I’m like “oh, what could have been~!”. As soon as one starts to say “maybe a bit homoerotic there” it’s easy for the narrative to morph into NO HETERO HERE!! and: no.]
At the moment I’m excitedly, heterosexually monogamous with no plans for that to change – on job application forms I tend to tick “straight” because I don’t want to appropriate language that doesn’t actively apply to me. I do my best to be the best queer-spectrum ally that I can and that includes writing this post: I believe that accidentally adhering to all these terribly old-fashioned “lesbian!” stereotypes and asserting honestly that I do all my sex stuff with one boyfriend widens the neck maybe of how people are “allowed to be” – very minutely, but as much as one person can I guess. YOU CAN BE HOWEVER YOU LIKE PICK AND CHOOSE THERE ARE NO RULES, etc! Also I don’t want gay kids to see pictures of me and assume that I’m the same as them and then later feel betrayed! I worry about a lot of things!
I really, really don’t want this to sound.. rejectionist? Maybe this post was a bad idea (let me know).